The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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