Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
