no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
