Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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