Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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