New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
