so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
