I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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