I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
