What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just google imaged poop.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You are the jesus of drinking
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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