you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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