dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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