You can't motorboat a personality
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize