I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
