Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
