hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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