Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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