Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.