you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
