My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
