She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I AM VODKA MAN
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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