toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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