Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
