talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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