can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They have beer where we have blood.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
