I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
