you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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