Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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