im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm like, not good at living.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize