we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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