Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
