I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't turn off my feet"
whose parrot is this?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize