i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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