separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
