The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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