he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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