we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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