1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
