he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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