is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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