Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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