im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
