We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
