I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
