Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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