So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
