I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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