a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
