he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
