marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
