It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
