ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
