I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
