We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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