Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
