That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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