there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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