yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
