U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
