My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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