if i died would you start the facebook group?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
