it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
